


Hidden Shapes

by LadyoftheWoods



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Animal Traits, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Hurt Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Hurt/Comfort, Minor Injuries, Naga Deceit | Janus Sanders, Octopus Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Patton's trying to be a good friend, Protective Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sick Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sickfic, Spider Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Sympathetic Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Sympathetic Dark Creativity | Remus "The Duke" Sanders, Sympathetic Deceit | Janus Sanders, Sympathetic Logic | Logan Sanders, Sympathetic Morality | Patton Sanders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-06
Updated: 2020-08-09
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:26:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,115
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25753546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: The dark sides all have animal traits. But they also have hybrid forms. Something Patton, Logan, and Roman don't realize until Janus isn't able to help it.
Comments: 53
Kudos: 520





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> originally based off: https://stillebesat.tumblr.com/post/625346546866831360/f-feral-janus  
> by @fangirltothefullest on Tumblr. Was supposed to be a simple one shot, but as always, the story has really gotten away from me.

He doesn’t feel quite right. 

He brushes it off, at first, ignoring the slight chill that comes over him, every once in a while, the mild achiness to his bones, he ignores them all. 

Then Patton comments on how his scales look pretty on his arms, when he’s doing the dishes, sleeves rolled up, and he nearly drops the plate he’s washing, before he regains his composure, letting Patton think the slip was from the unexpected compliment, as he excuses himself. 

He notices his fangs are longer, sharper, the next day, and his chills are stronger as well, he spends nearly the whole of it working at his desk, wrapped in a blanket, trying to ignore the pain taking up residence behind his temples, pounding dully against his skull, as he examines and rearranges the schedule to make sure everyone has at least a day of self care planned for the week, before sending it back to Logan for assessment. He won’t admit it out loud, but he rather enjoys the back and forth, the bargaining, the trade offs, it’s a bit of a game of wits, finding how it all can fit. But today it just makes him exhausted. 

He makes an excuse, not to come out for supper that night, saying he’s tired and plans to turn in early, which is true, he just leaves out the reason, which would lead to Patton trying to take care of him, and the last thing he wants is to force pity from Patton, so he keeps his mouth shut.   
…  
He’s shaking. The world is swirling and writhing around him, shadows stretching and shifting around him, forming almost figures, eyes glaring at him accusingly, whispers menacing his ears, telling him how poorly of a job he’s really doing, and he grits his teeth and bears it, even as he feels himself shifting into something different, scales blooming across the entirety of his face, his arms, coiling in on himself, as his tail forms, a ball python’s markings, in deep blacks and hazardous yellows, marking him as the venomous creature he is. 

He doesn’t want to be this monster, but he can’t stop it, can’t stop the change, so he just hisses, cursing the world, burying himself in his tail so he doesn’t have to see anything, feel anything, outside his little bubble, though he can’t seem to stop shaking, no matter how tightly he curls.   
…  
He sees clawed hands tearing at him, shredding him to ribbons. Dark figures laughing as they rip him limb from limb. Violet eyes and neon green grinning, as they set him aflame, burning him to ash, and somehow, he can feel every second of it, taste the smoke on his tongue, convulsing and writhing as he tries to escape the smoke, but there’s nowhere, nowhere to go. Webs, pinning him down, eight eyes, eyes he knows so well, staring into his as the pincers bite into his neck, tentacles wrapping tight around his throat, lifting him off the ground, constricting him until he can’t breathe, until his own weight suffocates him-

Then suddenly it’s bright, far too bright, and he can’t see clearly, and he hears gasps, voices around him, hissing and flinching back at a touch to his forehead, slitted eyes flashing as his tail lashes, coiling. 

“Leave me alone!” He growls, baring his fangs, his claws, ready to spring, even as the world spins and colors blend, everything shifting as if he’s looking through a fun house mirror. 

“You’re burning up…” 

“Calm down, Janus, let us help!” He hisses, drawing back further, heart pounding with fear, pulse racing with adrenaline, but everything is too much, too loud, too bright, and he can’t focus, can’t figure out where he is or what’s going on or who is speaking, past the pounding in his ears. 

Then a hand comes into view, trying to reach him, and he snarls, letting the coils do their job, propelling himself forwards, pouncing, but the sudden movement sends a wash of lightheadedness through him, and the world goes dark. 

“Janus! Janus, are you ok?!” He groans, barely managing to register the voice, barely managing to flick open his eyes for long enough to see a flash of deep blue, to realize someone has caught him, stopped him from falling. 

“lo…gan?” He manages weakly, feeling the logical side let out a relieved breath, though he’s no less worried. 

“Yes. You’ve got a severe fever, Janus, how long have you been sick?” His mind seems to be working at half speed, his tongue feels heavy and thick, and he barely manages a shrug. 

“w-week?” He offers, already slipping away. 

“Oh honey. We’re gonna take care of you, alright? You just get some rest, and when you wake up it’ll all be better.” He doesn’t trust that voice, not completely, but he knows in this case, it’s telling the truth, so he nods, shivering at the cold air on his scales, wishing for his heating pad, before he blacks out once more.   
…  
Logan lets out a low breath as Janus collapses in his arms, cheeks flushed, even through the scales now peppering both sides of his face, his pulse coming in odd unsteady beats, his breathing shallow and uneven. He’s ill, extremely ill, and he doesn’t know how none of them had noticed. 

Then again, even after becoming accepted, Janus has always been the most aloof of all of them. Even now, they don’t really know much about him, he holds everything close to his chest. Which is maybe why Virgil and Remus are the only two who don’t look entirely surprised at the state of him. 

That state being a half human, half snake, commonly known as a Naga, in folklore. 

“We need to break the fever. Help me lift him, onto the couch?” Logan states, more than asks, and instantly, the twins are there, each taking half of his tail while Logan takes his torso, sliding him onto the couch, before wrapping him with blankets, trying to quell his incessant shivering, coiling tight, teeth chattering.

“Now what?” Roman asks, uncharacteristically quiet. 

“Heated blankets, he has some, yes?” Remus nods. 

“I’ll go get them.” 

“Virgil.” He startles at Logan addressing him, his eyes had been locked on Janus’s form, huddled and so small, despite his large coils. He hadn’t realized his breath was starting speed, his heart starting pound. “Virgil, I need you to answer some questions for me. It could help in my treatment of him.” He nods, though his throat feels dry. 

“He has shifted like this before?” He nods again, forcing himself to take a deep inhale and exhale. 

“yeah. He doesn’t… he usually doesn’t. Doesn’t like to. But when he gets sick or hurt, he loses control, sometimes. Goes… goes into attack mode.” Logan nods. 

“It makes sense, that as self preservation, he would have this kind of protective mechanism. Given his scales, I’m not surprised that he would take Naga form. And Remus has his tentacles, his half animal form being an octopus-“ 

“Kraken, dear Logic!” Remus trills, returning and tucking the heated blankets around Janus, making sure they aren’t set too high. They want a toasty snek, after all, not a toasted one. A minor distinction, but an important one, in this case. 

“And Virgie here is-“ Instantly, the room grows ten degrees colder, the shadows lengthening, as it grows darker, all eyes turning back to Virgil, who is shaking his head, maybe just shaking in general.

“don’t. Remus, please… don’t.” Remus pouts, but instantly nods, coming over and rubbing his arms to dispel the chill, smiling as Virgil’s head thumps against his chest. 

“Sorry, Vee. I forget what I’m not supposed to say and what I am. I didn’t mean to spill the beans.” He feels Virgil nod, knows he understands, he’s just scared and stressed right now, and so is he, it’s why his tongue nearly slipped. He has a bit more control than the others tend to think, at least when it comes to important things, secret things, like this. 

“Virgil? You… you have animal traits too? That’s really cool, kiddo, why didn’t you tell us?” He winces at Patton’s question. 

“you wouldn’t like them. Trust me, Pat, it’s better I just keep them tucked away, where they won’t cause any problems.” He mutters, a bit of fear curdling in his chest, at what he is, fear blooming at what they would do, if they knew. 

If they knew his eyeshadow was to hide the three smaller eyes dotted underneath his normal ones, if they knew about his eight, spindly spiked legs, that could extend from his back, much like Remus’s tentacles, making him much faster and stronger than any of the rest of them, if they knew how quickly he could move, slinging web, how reflexive an action it once was, when he and Remus were young and would tussle, if they knew about his own deadly, venomous fangs, if they knew how when he was stressed, he still vanished into Remus’s imagination, to weave intricate webs, to put his hands to work so his mind would be silent.

“Virgil. I love you kiddo, no matter what, okay? Just remember that, if you ever do want to share. Whatever it is, it won’t change that.” He looks away, nodding once, though if Janus were in working order he’d call bullshit from a mile away, there were some things that they could grow to accept about him, yes, but his half spider form? Definitely not one of them, when even curtains with cartoony spiders warranted being called “creepy crawly death dealers” and getting attacked by Roman’s sword.

“So… now what do we do?” Roman asks breaking the silence. 

“wait. He’ll shift back, once he’s feeling better, in control, again. Until then, we should all give him plenty of space, you three especially.” Virgil answers. 

“Why is that?” Logan asks, and Remus grins. 

“Janny’s got quite a nasty bite. Those fangs aren’t just for show!”

“He might lash out, is what he’s saying. And it’s better if no one is in reach when he does. Me and Re have a certain amount of immunity, to the venom, thanks to our… traits, but it would be really, really bad, for any of you. Plus, he isn’t used to you all being around yet, he’s less likely to lash out if it’s me or Remus, nearby.” Virgil explains, “you, um, you’ll trigger his fight reflex.” He doesn’t have to look up, to see the slightly hurt expression on Patton’s face. 

“He doesn’t trust us yet.” Logan says softly, and Remus nods, though his face is tight, with a frown. 

“That’s… understandable. We haven’t been the best of companions.” Roman murmurs, surprising both Remus and Virgil. 

“He trusts you.” Remus states, looking firmly at Logan, who’s eyes widen in surprise, hand flying to adjust his glasses. “He doesn’t trust you.” Remus states, looking at Roman, who nods minutely, a brief look of regret flashing across his face. “And none of us trust you.” He turns his sharp gaze on Patton, who winces. 

“Remus!” Virgil hisses, grabbing his arm.

“What? It’s true, otherwise you would have told them what you are, by now! Tell me, the reason you haven’t, isn’t exclusively to do with Patton.” He flinches, drawing back, eyes glued to the floor so he doesn’t have to see the hurt on Patton’s face, though he hears the sharp inhale of breath. “Tell me you aren’t afraid, of what he will do.” He gasps, the air flooding out of him, feeling as if he’s been punched in the gut, tears welling in the corners of his eyes. He opens his mouth, ready to deny it. 

“I can’t.” he whispers instead, blanching at his own words, drawing further back, into himself. “I… I can’t.” 

“that’s ok, kiddo.” Patton’s voice is soft, trembling, and he looks up in surprise, at the words, Patton taking a step closer, though still giving him his space. “It’s ok. I’ve hurt you, a lot, in the past, unintentionally, but I still hurt you. It’s ok, that you don’t feel comfortable telling me everything, telling me anything. I don’t expect you to. I don’t need you to. I’m happy to just be here, that you’ve let me have this much with you, and it’s ok, that you don’t entirely trust me. It’s ok, Virg.” His lip trembles, then he’s in Patton’s arms, head tucked against his shoulder. “we’re ok, kiddo.” Patton hugs him tightly, rubbing circles against his back, pretending not to notice the sniffling. 

“thank you.” Virgil whispers, pulling away, Patton reluctantly letting him go. 

“Of course, Virgil. I’ll go get started on some soup and grilled cheese. Everyone needs to eat something, and hopefully we’ll be able to get some soup in him, too. Thank you, Remus. For being honest with me. It… it hurts, but I need to hear it, sometimes. It keeps me moving forwards. Keeps me getting… better.” Patton flashes him a small, tired smile, before ducking away, into the kitchen. 

“I’ll go help. He gets shaky, when he’s worried, and he’ll nick himself cutting the vegtables, otherwise.” Roman mumbles, looking back at Remus, hesitating as if he wants to say something, before shaking his head and turning away, a rueful smile on his lips, a promise in his eyes, that they’ll talk later, when he knows what he wants to say. 

“He… trusts me?” Remus rolls his eyes, sitting on the arm of the couch. 

“Um, duh? You’re the only one who accepted all of us, right of the bat. Sure, you aren’t buddy buddy with us, but you also didn’t just dismiss us. You also listened to us, took us seriously, debated, not disagreeing just because of who we are. You treat us like… equals. That’s a rare thing, around here, Logan.” 

“…oh. I… I see. Well. I will be keeping an eye on his temperature, checking in every few hours. If anything changes, fetch me immediately. I’ll get some cool water and towels, for his forehead. See if you can’t coax him into drinking something, as well, he’s likely severely dehydrated. I would suggest an IV, but I doubt his reaction to that would be ideal.” 

“Ok. Sounds good, Lo. Thanks.” Logan nods once, before leaving, dropping off a bowl and towels, before vanishing once more. Virgil slumps to the ground, back resting against the couch cushions, hands buried in his face as he lets out a long, shaking breath, trying to stave off the panic creeping up his shoulders. 

Remus frowns, brushing back Janus’s hair, dabbing the rag across his forehead, willing with all his might for the fever to go down, for his eyes to open, for him to smirk and say something bitingly sharp. 

“Come on, DeeDee. Playing coy doesn’t suit you.” He whispers, eyes flicking to Virgil at the small snort from the emo, who shoves his hands up through his hair, leaving it messy and disheveled, his eyeshadow smeared across his face. If he looks hard enough, he can spot his dark little eyes, shiny, pure pitch little things, like reflective black buttons. “you know I’ve always found your little quirks cute, right?” He asks, not mentioning specifics just in case someone came by. Virgil lets out another short laugh, though the small smile stays on his face, as he shakes his head. 

“I think you’re the only one who would describe them that way, Ree, but yeah. I know.” He mumbles, not protesting as Remus slips off the couch and onto the floor beside him, slowly and gently resting an arm around his shoulders. He scoots closer, tucking himself against Remus’s side, letting himself burrow into the warmth, safe and protected. “I’m scared.” Comes the low whisper, and Remus coos, turning to wrap his other arm around him in a warm hug. 

“I know, shadow. I know.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil's secret is revealed.

He aches. Every bone and muscle and sinew seems to throb with pain, and he hisses, hearing the soft papery sound of his scales brushing against each other, coiling and shifting groggily as he forces his eyes open. 

“Jan? You with us?” He blinks, at the blurry form of Remus, hovering over him, managing a nod, though his eyes are already drifting shut. It must be bad, if he’s shifted himself, though he doesn’t remember anything happening. 

“Oh, snakey, you just hang in there, ok? We’re taking care of you.” He feels a hand brush through his hair, leaning into it as he drifts off again.   
…  
The fire. The fire is back. 

It’s scorching heat, up his tail, writhing around his arms, smoke wrapping around his throat, forcing itself into his lungs, and he gasps for air, trying to escape, trying to flee, but his wrists are bound, he’s tied on a stake while the pyre rages around him, the flames licking at his scales, and he bares his teeth, lunging away, lunging towards one of the figures dancing in the flames, stealing his air, and he hears a yelp, as his fangs sink into something, before being shoved off, shoved away, growling as his arms are pinned, a weight on his tail, and he can’t get it off, he thrashes, but he can’t get it off, can’t get free, no matter how hard he hisses and spits and writhes. 

“JANUS!” The voice breaks through, just barely, just enough to make him hesitate, to stop, surprise washing over him, though his fangs are still bared, still ready to bite. “Janus. Breathe. It’s ok, it’s just me, just Virgil, you’re ok, please, just breathe.” He inhales sharply, deeply, gasping, he hadn’t realized he was holding his breath. Finally his vision clears, after several long moments, locking on Virgil’s purple eyes, pale face, messier than usual makeup. He’s panting slightly, sitting atop him, atop his tail, pinning his wrists to the ground, concern and fear playing across his features. 

“V-Vee?” Virgil’s face softens, and he nods, eyes searching his face. 

“It’s me, Jan. It’s ok. You had a nightmare and started panicking, lashing out. I’m gonna let you up now, ok? Unless you wanna have a go at Remus, too, he deserves it, probably.” He huffs at that, as Virgil releases him, helps him to sit. 

“Oooh, could you crush me? Maybe I should make a giant snake to constrict me! Do you think my ribs would crack, and explode through my chest, and my beating heart would be visible before I’m devoured whole by its giant maw?” 

“wonderful, Remus, thank you for that lovely vision.” He replies, earning a laugh from Remus, a lopsided grin from Virgil. 

Then Virgil hisses in a sharp breath, squeezing his eyes shut, hand fisting into the fabric of his hoodie. 

“Vee?” Remus asks, worry tinging his tone, and Janus’s eyes widen, noticing the pinprick beads of red against Virgil’s neck for the first time, the trickle of blood running down in rivulets, realizing what must have happened.

“I bit you.” He whispers, as Virgil shakes, doubling over. “I bit you!” 

“Fine… I’ll be fine…” He gasps out, voice shaking, echoing with tempest tongue as his shadows darken, lengthen. 

“Kiddos? You ok? I heard a ruckus?” Patton asks, popping into the room, instantly hurrying to Virgil’s side. 

“Virg?” His voice is soft, but Virgil flinches, eyes darting up to look at him, and he yelps, stumbling backwards. The whites of Virgil’s eyes have turned black, his usually dark eyes a near glowing neon violet. Underneath are six more eyes in total, dark, shiny things. As he watches, his canines lengthen into fangs. 

“nononono…” Virgil mumbles, and he almost reaches out again, then Virgil’s head flies back in a silent scream, eyes blazing with light, dark fire exploding out of him, writhing around him, and eight, long, spindly apendages sprout from his back, then the darkness releases Virgil, and he sprawls across the ground, trembling, from pain, exhaustion, or fear, Patton can’t tell, maybe a bit of all of them. 

“Virgil-“ Before he can get more out of his mouth, Virgil lurches to his feet, to his eight black legs, eyes wide and shaking, and he bolts, flashing past Patton so fast he’s barely even a blur, vanishing through the door to his room, leaving the rest of them in a stunned silence. 

“Fuck a duck.” Remus mutters, eyes wide, staring after him for a second, before bolting to his feet and charging up the stairs, slamming the door to his own room, surprising and confusing Patton further, before his attention turns to Janus, who’s own face is pale, brows drawn. 

“So. Um. What… just… happened?” He squeaks out, trying to keep from straight up panicking. Janus lets out a long sigh, head thumping back against the couch cushions. 

“I had a nightmare. I lashed out. And I… bit him.” 

“Oh. So… is that why he turned into… that?” Janus groans, tail twisting with uncertainty. 

“Yes. And no. My bite reveals things. The absolute truth of what… who… someone is. And the more you fight the venom, the more it hurts, until it forces you to change into your truest reflection, reveals you fully. Which is exactly what it did, to Virgil. It revealed the truth he’s been so carefully hiding.” Patton tilted his head, thinking over the implications, before his mouth formed a silent ‘o’, realization washing over him. 

“his animal. He’s… a spider?” Janus nods, closing his eyes in confirmation. “oh. Oh no. Oh, no wonder he was so scared! Oh, he probably thinks I’ll be scared of him, doesn’t he? Knowing him, he probably thinks I’ll hate him and never want to see him again! Oh, this is not good!”

“He’ll be long gone in the imagination by now, Remus’s side. He is exceptionally excellent at hiding. Remember to look up.” He mumbles, exhaustion washing over him. 

“Lo, Ro!” Patton calls, the two of them rising up moments later. “Logan, I need you to stay with him, ok? His fever just broke, so Janus, try and stay awake for a bit, just to eat something, ok?” He nods, though the task seems impossible. “Roman, I need you with me. We’re going to the imagination.” 

“Padre, I love taking you on quests, but is now really-“ 

“Remus’s side. We need to find Virgil, I’ll explain more as we move, let’s go!” Without further explanation, Patton pulled Roman up the stairs, leaving Logan and Janus alone.

“Well. That was… sudden. I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.” Logan murmurs, turning his full attention back to Janus, who frowns slightly, eyes drifting back open, as he looks at himself, realizing his tail has shifted back, though he still has more scales than usual. 

“Me too, apparently. Though I may have inadvertently thrown Virgil into a crisis." 

“So I gathered. How are you feeling? Any symptoms?” he shakes his head.

“no. Just… tired, I suppose."

“Excellent. Then maybe you can inform me of why you didn’t tell anyone you were feeling ill, much less to the extent that you were.” He winces at the colder tone to Logan's voice, though he can tell it’s out of worry. 

“I… didn’t think to. I didn’t think you would want to be bothered, by me. I would have, truly, if I’d been aware how bad it was going to get.”

“You are not a bother, Janus, your health, both physical and mental, is important to me, as well as the rest of us. I would request you come to us, with any future problems, before you’re so fevered you’re hallucinating.” He huffs a small laugh at Logan's dry tone, nodding once more.

“Will do, Logan. If that’s all settled, I believe someone promised food?”


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil runs, and is found by an old friend.

He runs. 

He runs past Patton, he shoves open his door, locks it behind him, then lunges through the portal hidden under his bed that Remus had installed years ago, when he’d first moved to the light side, a shortcut to his imagination, to the dark side. He pulls the trapdoor shut behind him, landing on the forest floor with barely a sound. 

Colors are brighter, stranger, he’s pretty sure in this form he can actually see colors others can’t, see at a spectrum impossible for humans, since he isn’t, not really. That thought chokes a sob out of him, though it comes out as more of a growling hiss, and he throws himself back into movement, speeding across the ground, jumping up, into the trees, when they become too dense, seeing the cliff approaching, but not slowing, he braces himself, springs, his stomach flip flopping as he drops-

Then he shoots his web and latches onto the trees on the other side, swinging across the canyon. If he were in a better mood, he’d be laughing right now, at the feel of the wind, at moving so fast, at letting himself go, more than he has in years, letting himself go feral, but he isn’t, his heart is pounding and his breath is speeding and he’s moving, faster and faster, and faster-

Then, suddenly, there’s no more trees. 

He doesn’t have time to stop his momentum. He manages to web the ground, before he crashes onto it, letting his shoulder impact first, easily slipping into a barrel roll, before losing control and tumbling across the earth, head spinning as he finally comes to a stop, hissing through clenched teeth as he sits up, taking in the damage. 

His shoulder is bruised to hell, and scraped raw and bloody, and so are his legs, his hands, though his appendages are intact. There’s a gash on his forehead, and he curses, pulling his sleeve over his hand, pressing it against the wound to try and staunch the bleeding, letting out another hissing breath at the ache in his chest, a bruised or cracked rib. 

He’s crying. He doesn’t know when it started, he feels too numb to cry, but he is, a steady, endless flow of tears that wash down his face, and he squeezes his eyes closed, doubling over, legs closing in around him, hiding him from view. 

“Hello, little one.” He nearly jumps, at the sudden low and sonorous voice, but he doesn’t care, he simply curls tighter, trying to suppress the pathetic whimper trying to escape his lips. “You aren’t one of the usual resident monstrosities of Remus’s design. Are you new?” He flinches hard, this time, realizing what he’s being mistaken for, because he must truly look horrendous, and Patton, god, Patton, not to mention Roman, once he hears, and Logan will just want to study him, dissect him, like some specimen, he doesn’t want to be the monster, he isn’t, he isn’t, he isn’theisn’theisn’t- “Let me take a look at you, darling. I can help make it better.” He pulls his legs in tighter, shaking, forcing words to his lips. 

“N-no. G-g-go away.” He hisses, and he hears a sharp inhale. 

“Anxiety. You… aren’t supposed to be here.” He laughs, at that, a cold, hard, bitter laugh. 

“look at me. Where else could I go?” He bares his fangs, eyes flashing and shadows growing as he feels hands pushing aside his legs, gently tipping his chin up, meeting the orange cat’s eyes of the dragon witch. 

“I remember a time when you wore this form more often than not. You and Remus were feral little things, more beast than man, some days, all shadowy blobs of too many teeth and limbs and claws, with your venomous bites and poison laced scratches, I remember when you’d spend hours, weaving the most wonderous tapestries, that sparkled so brilliantly, in the morning dew. Or ones near invisible, that would trip up Remus, as he tried to invade your lair. Once you wouldn’t have consolidated monstrous, with evil, they are different. Plenty of monstrous things are still beautiful, after all. Plenty of monstrous things are still smart, and kind, and sweet, little one. I would have hoped that to be a lesson you remembered, still.” Her words are soft and gentle as she caresses his cheek, a tender smile on her lips. “I haven’t forgotten, my tiny terror.” He folds, falling into her open arms and sobbing, letting it all go, as her near black wings enfold them both, her tail gently coiling around his feet. She doesn’t say anything, simply holds him, rocks him as he cries, promising safety with her steady presence, her slightly hotter than normal warmth. “I gather from your state you don’t want to go back to the world?” He shakes his head frantically, not moving from his place in her arms. “alright, darling. Hold on tight, for a moment.” He feels a slight vertigo, the world running like a watercolor painting, before resettling to a homey looking cottage, a fire lit and providing gentle warmth, the floors covered in soft rugs, the smell of cinnamon and something else, something warm and fizzing and popping in the air. Magic. 

“If you want tea, you’ll have to let go.” He does with a slightly rueful smile, one she adores, and she brushes back his hair, before moving to put the kettle on, getting her favorite teacup from the cupboard, along with a black and white chipped jack Skellington mug. 

“you still have that?” He says, voice coming out hoarse, as he pulls himself into one of the surprisingly comfy wooden chairs surrounding the small table in the kitchen, watching as she bustles about. 

“Of course. I hoped I’d have occasion to use it again. Though I admit I hoped it would be under better circumstances.” He winces, looking away. 

“sorry. For not visiting. I… I should have. Me and Ree hadn’t been on the best terms, for… well, for a while. I didn’t want to chance being caught here by myself.” 

“Yes. I heard all about it, believe me. He fluctuated between grief, despair, and unmitigated rage, before settling on a scarily distant disdain. Any mention of you and he just… shut down.” 

“sorry.” He whispers again, to her soft huff. 

“Stop apologizing, darling. I’m not placing blame or accusing. I know you had your reasons. Now, let me have a look at you, we can’t have those getting infected, and you know they will.” He groans, wincing as he pulls his sleeve away from his forehead. 

“But it stings!” He whines, making her laugh, as she gathers the warm water and soft hand towel. 

“You’ve had worse, Anxiety. And unless you want me to summon Remus to instant heal you, we’ll have to do it the old fashioned way.” Her voice is slightly stern now, the same tone Patton always takes, when scolding them or breaking up a fight, and he smiles slightly, glancing up at her. 

“alright. It’s, um, Virgil, now, by the way.” She smiles, coming around the table and gently dabbing away the dried blood from the gash, wincing in sympathy as he grits his teeth, before patting it dry and securing gauze. “Ah. It suits you, I think." He pulls up his pants to reveal his skinned knees, his shins peppered with scrapes, though nothing there is hurt too badly, though it still stings like a son of a gun. They’re just finishing looking at his shoulder, her turning away to get an icepack for it, when he hears the tell tale swing of the doggy door, small scratching against the mat in the entryway. 

“Oh, god-“ He manages to just barely brace himself, as a ball of icy silvery blue barrels into his chest, knocking his chair over backwards, sending his arms pinwheeling before he collides with the floor, his fall slowed slightly by a quick spell, that lowers him gently the last inch to avoid concussing him. He doesn’t have time to thank her, however, as his face is getting destroyed by licks, and he can’t get a word out edgewise, between his pleas to stop, and his gasping laughter. 

“Nilas, stop, down girl, NiNi!” He laughs, finally managing to get the large cat sized dragon under control, though her tail still whipped wildly, and when he rolled out of the chair to sit up on the floor, she instantly climbed his shirt, draping herself around his shoulders, tail hanging off one, curling around his upper bicep to keep herself steady, her head resting on her paws on his other. He laughs again at her low, contented chuffing, the equivalent of a dragon purr, as he scratches her head. “Happy to see me, huh?” She buts her head against his cheek in response, before giving it one more lick, before laying back down on her paws, though her head stays tucked up against his face. 

“Yeah. I missed you too, Nilas.” He mumbles, pain forgotten in the face of a happy dragon snuggling against him, a soothing, perfect weight that grounds him, helps him breathe a little easier against the stress slowly fading away. He rights the chair and slips back into it, taking the mug that she sets in front of him.

“Roman still giving you trouble?” He asks, after a few moments in comfortable silence, taking a sip of the tea, which is deep and herbal, just a hint of sweetness from the honey. She scowls, and he can hear her tail sweeping across the floor.

“Don’t get me started. I enjoy playing his games, but that boy has not given me a moments peace. Do you know how hard it is, to swap into evil enchantress mode, when your nemesis has showed up in the middle of you baking? I had a pie in the oven and I couldn’t stop worrying it was going to burn.”

“did it?” he asks, grinning.

“No. I told him he’d better stop wasting his time with me, and worry about my agents infiltrating the castle, and he took off. There weren’t any, of course, from what I understand he had a lovely game of whodunnit about the royal crown, though it turned out he’d simply misplaced it.” Virgil laughed, imagining Roman frantically running around, accusing random townspeople, making one of those red string conspiracy cork boards, only to find it under his bed.

“Oh, that’s amazing.” He finally wheezes through his giggling, taking another long sip of his tea, before yawning hugely.

“alright, enough catching up. To bed with you.” 

“but-"

“uh, uh, uh, you know the drill. You’ll be falling out of the chair soon, anyway.” She teases gently, helping support him as he stands, a bit wobbly on his feet, another yawn impossible to stifle sneaking through.

“Curse my traitorous body.” He mutters, making her laugh, as he lays down on the cot in the dark corner of the living room, pulling all the fluffy blankets up so high they nearly cover his head, Nilas circling a few times, before curling up snuggled against his chest, kneading her paws contentedly.

“sweet dreams, tiny terror.” She murmurs, kissing his forehead fondly, as his eyes flutter shut. “sleep well. You could use it.”

“mhm. Thanks, Tabitha. Love you.” He mumbles, drifting off, a small smile on his lips as he rests his head against Nilas.

She smiles, stroking his hair a few more times before pulling away, a low sigh slipping from her lips.

Well. No doubt Remus would appear soon, and he could explain what had sent Virgil into such a tizzy, though no doubt it was something to do with the others. He wouldn’t have been so scared of himself, otherwise. He was never scared of himself, until he started hanging around them. He used to revel in causing mayhem, tearing through the imagination, scrapping with Remus, winning, more often than not, on his own merit. He was such a small little shadow, but so fierce, with those eyes of his, peeking guardedly through his mop of hair, an almost perpetual frown on his face, always braced for the worst.

But he was kind, too. The first day she'd come across him alone, he’d glared at her, hissed, baring his fangs and scuttling backwards, ready to bite.

She’d knelt down, almost as surprised to see him as he clearly was to see her.

“hello, little one. What are you doing, out here alone?” He hadn’t answered, merely continued to glare, tensed to spring or run. She’d hummed, looking around, the field was full of knee high grass, his head barely poking above the stalks, wildflowers filling the space, butterflies (both literal and figurative) drifting through the air. A distant shout rang through the imagination, an echo of whatever turmoil was occurring up in the rest of the mind, and he flinched, curling in on himself, breath catching. 

“ah. Trying to find some quiet, until the storm blows over.” The little shadow nodded, watching a bee struggle to stay atop a flower blowing in the breeze, before reaching out and holding it steady, a small smile crossing his face as he leaned in, watching the bee burry its head in the pollen. “Well, don’t mind me, then. Is it alright, if I stay here to read? I won’t bother you.” A moment passed, but he nodded solemnly, watching the bee flit away, before fixing his gaze on her, which she studiously ignored, studying her book while watching out of the corner of her eye. 

Another echoing shout, almost like a thunder crash, and he let out a little shriek. Before she could ask if he was okay, the little shadow had scuttled closer, throwing himself onto her lap and curled in a shivering ball, hiding himself under her cloak. 

“Oh, darling, it’s alright. They won’t hurt you here, I promise.” He hadn’t uncurled, and she’d hesitantly wrapped an arm around him, brushing through his hair with her other hand, humming softly, until she felt him slowly start to uncurl, realizing finally he’d fallen asleep, tiny hands clutching at her shirt, impossible to pry off even if she’d wanted to. 

When Creativity and Deceit panicked later, realizing Anxiety had been missing all day, they were surprised to find him happily coloring on the floor of the witch’s cottage, dark aura dispersed enough they could actually see his body, a dragon curled around him protectively. 

The next day he’d shown back up on her doorstep, a bit shyer, but no less brave, holding out a flower crown, painstakingly woven with colorful flowers, and it may have been the sweetest thing anyone had ever done for her. From then on, Anxiety, or Virgil, now, was as good as hers, under her protection, always welcome, always at home in her home. Her baby, her shadow, her tiny terror.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alternate title, mama dragon witch adopts local spider child


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil is found

“Virgil!” 

“Kiddo, come out, please!” 

“Doom and Gloom, we’re worried about you, please!” Roman looks up, surveying the trees scowling. “This is pointless. He could be anywhere, you heard Janus, he’s an expert at hiding.” 

“We can’t just leave him! If we don’t find him, he’s just going to become more and more convinced we don’t want him at all, I won’t leave him out here, where anything could get him!” Patton protests, voice shaking, and Roman stops, turning to face him. 

“Padre. I know, trust me, I know, it’s taken us a long time to get there, but I care for him too, and I hate… this, as much as you do, but,” He takes breath, steadying his voice, “Virgil has experience, surviving out here, much more than you do, than I do, on Remus’s side. He is fight or flight. Anything out here, he can either out run or out do. It’s the creatures that should be avoiding him.” 

“How… how do you know that?” Roman smiles ruefully, rubbing the back of his head.

“I’ve gotten into a couple… close calls. I don’t know how he knows, but he always does, when it’s real, not just part of the story, not just for the dramatics. Oh, you should see him fight, Patton, it’s… well. It’s something else.” Terrifying, was the word he was going to use, terrifying and incredible, the most mesmerizing thing he’s ever seen, movements almost too fast to follow, every punch and kick followed by cracking bone, his eyes glowing violet, imprinting in the air, confusing the enemy as to which is real, until there’s a thousand eyes staring at them, and they tear themselves apart. It’s a terrible beauty, a terrifying grace, an electric elegance, it’s the only time Roman ever sees Virgil truly, one hundred percent sure of himself, confident and tall and unafraid, and it makes him wonder, each time, just how much of himself Virgil is holding back. 

Well, they have a partial answer now, don’t they? 

“Roman-“ Patton gasps, cutting himself off as he pushes past Roman, sprinting over, grabbing a piece of cloth off the ground. A patch, from his hoodie. And there, beyond the tree line…

The ground is scuffed, grass torn up, another fabric patch pressed into the dirt. Examining closer, Roman inhales sharply, seeing a few drops of blood. Boot imprints and a long drag mark, where the earth had been flattened, a tail. 

He kneels, pressing a hand to the ground, feeling the slight tingle of magical residue, the all too familiar pop and sting.

“Dragon witch.” He growls, shoving to his feet, stalking away before spinning back around, fire in his eyes. “She took him.”

“What… what does that mean?” Patton asks, voice shaking once more, in fear. 

“That we have to get him back. I should be able to work a trace, to find where she took him. Pat… you should go home. This is dangerous, and I don’t want you to get hurt.”

“no. No, Virgil's already hurt, and I’m not going home without him. This…this is my fault, and I’m going to fix it.” He can see the determination in Patton's eyes, the fierceness there, and knows he won’t win this battle. 

“alright. Alright, padre. Come here. Let’s work some magic.”  
…  
“EN GUARDE FOUL FIEND-"

“shuthefuckupRoman!” Is not what he expected to be whisper screeched at him by Remus, who is seated at a table, feet resting atop it, the dragon witch sitting across from him, both of them now glaring at him.

“What- Remus- where-"

“Hush for once in your life. He is fine, and finally resting, no thanks to you, no doubt.” Roman bristles at that, eyes narrowing.

“What is that supposed to mean?”

“It means unlike you and your precious standards of purity, I’ve never hurt him, or made him fear himself. Hate himself.” Her eyes flash, a puff of smoke escaping the corners of her mouth, and he feels suddenly small.

“ok, everyone, let’s just calm down for a second.” Patton steps out from behind him, a sheepish smile on his face as he properly enters the home. “um. Hi! I’m Patton. Nice to meet you.” He ignores Roman hissing his name, extending his hand. The witch glances at Remus, who shrugs, before accepting.

“Tabitha. It is… overdue, I suppose. Take a seat.” She offers, Patton easily slipping into a chair, Roman making a sputtering noise, before sulkily stomping into a chair, eyes flicking from person to person.

“And what are you doing here!?” he finally explodes, glaring at Remus, who raises a brow.

“This is where Virgie went. Why wouldn’t I be here?” 

“Why is Virgil here?” Patton interrupts before Roman can go off, his question full of genuine curiosity instead of accusation, catching Tabitha off guard. 

“And how do we know you haven’t done anything to him?”

“oh come off that high horse, RoRo.” Everyone freezes at a small sound from the back of the room, Patton and Roman catching sight of Virgil for the first time, covered in blankets and sleeping soundly, a small smile on his face, a tiny dragon curled around his head.

“does that assuage your doubts, your highness?” Her voice isn’t heated, now, just a tad bitter, a faraway look on her face, a gentle smile lighting up her eyes as she looks at Virgil, an expression so far from her normal ferocity and disdain that he can barely reconcile it.

“He always used to come here. When he was still with us. Practically lived here. Then, well, everything happened and we fell out of touch, but I knew when he panicked, this is where he’d go.” 

“I found him bleeding and broken on the ground. He was never like this, before he moved, he used to be so… himself. Now he is constantly afraid, to let any of himself show.” 

“I know. And that’s… a lot of that is my fault, even though I didn’t mean to make him feel that way, I did. But I’m not scared of him. He’s… he’s one of my kiddos! Creepy crawly death dealer and all.” Tabitha looks at him hard, for a moment, before letting out a soft sigh. 

“Well, that’s a start, I suppose. You just have to convince him, of it, which will not be an easy task.”

“Come on, Ro, time for us to get going.” Roman's brows skyrocket as he looks incredulously at Remus, then at Patton.

“I am not leaving Patton here, alone, with her!” 

“Roman. If I intended harm I would already have acted. Contrary to your belief, I am not a villain. I am just as much an actor as you.” Roman opened his mouth to say something, Patton's hand on his shoulder stopping him.

“I don’t wanna overwhelm him, when he wakes up, but I need to be here. I’ll be fine, Ro. Go update Janus and Logan, I’m sure they’re worried, too.” He hesitates, but nods reluctantly, glancing back at Virg. He looks so… peaceful, a rare thing, for the anxious side, even in sleep, and he feels another twinge of guilt.

“Take care of them.” His voice is hoarse, as he meets her eyes, and she nods.

“On my life, nothing will harm them.” Then he takes Remus's hand, and they sink out.  
….  
Noises. Muffled by the blankets around him, but they manage to make it through his sleepy mind. The sound of pans clanking against each other, of measuring cups tapping against bowls. A soft conversation, a warm voice followed by a low giggle. 

He rolls over, a small smile on his lips as he stretches, blinking open his eyes, trying to decipher what he is looking at.

Patton, nose dusted with flour, stirring a bowl held in his arms, giggling up at Tabitha, who looks slightly exasperated, flour covering her apron. He can smell yeast, something baking, something sweet. 

“whoops.” Tabitha huffs a laugh, attempting futily to brush off the flour.

“I told you to stir slowly, sunshine.” She gently takes the bowl from Patton, slowly folding in the flour. 

Neither have noticed him, yet, as he swings his legs over the edge of the cot, sitting up and stretching once more, noticing with relief that his spider traits have shifted away. Usually they’re controllable, but Janus's bite made it impossible to hide the truth, trapping him in the semi form, until it wore off.

Oh. Everything came crashing back in on him, suddenly, the warm content of seconds ago fleeing into a cold fear. His breath hitches as he pulls his knees up, the movement getting their attention. 

“Virgil. Hey kiddo. How you feeling?” Patton asks softly, moving just a few steps closer, crouching down to be at his level. Virgil hugs his knees, looking away, taking in a shaking breath. Patton can see the little button eyes under his normal ones, shiny and dark, before they blink shut, hidden.

“sorry. I’m… I… sorry.” 

“No, baby, you don’t have anything to be sorry for.” He just shakes his head, burying it against his knees. Patton sounds so soft, and he can’t handle that, he doesn’t want his pity, he doesn’t want to exploit that, doesn’t want Patton to care just because he has to. “virg, honey, look at me.” He shakes his head again, voice trapped in his throat. He jumps at a hand on his shoulder, though he leans into it, when it goes to pull away, and now he’s pressed against Patton’s side, breathing in his soothing scent of laundry and warm bread. 

“I love you, Virg. I’m so, so, sorry, that I made you feel like you couldn’t be yourself. You’re wonderful and amazing and perfect, and I couldn’t be prouder of you, kiddo, I really couldn’t.” 

“I’m the bad one. L-like always. N-n-no matter how hard I try, I’m always the wrong one, or the bad one, or the scary one, and I… I don’t want to be, I don’t… I can’t even help it this time, it’s just… just what I am.” 

“Hey. That’s not true. You aren’t bad, kiddo, you aren’t scary, at least, not when you don’t want to be.” That gets a small sniffle laugh, and he continues on, “youe animal traits don’t make you bad. Janus has scales and fangs, and we don’t treat him as evil or scary, anymore, right?” He nods, shakily inhaling. 

“that’s different.” He mumbles. “he isn’t-“

“A spider?” Patton finishes, and Virgil hums in agreement. Patton shifts away, making Virgil wince, curl in on himself a little tighter. “Kiddo, look at me.” Virgil inhales shakily, looking up at Patton, eyes red rimmed and watery. “can I see? I didn’t really, before, you darted away so fast.” 

“o-ok.” He stutters, swiping a sleeve across his face, before taking a deep breath, letting his legs unfurl from his back, settle on the ground around him, his teeth lengthen into fangs, his extra eyes open, near glowing violet, an aura of darkness surrounding him, hazing his form as he stands, much taller than usual, with the extra height afforded him by his legs, though he still has his usual slightly thin and willowy look. 

“Can I..?” Patton asks, gesturing towards one of his legs, and Virgil looks startled, that he hasn’t screamed or fainted or run away by now, not that he can blame him. 

“yeah, I guess.” He shivers slightly at the hand against his leg, an unfamiliar sensation, though not unpleasant. He’s staring a bit surprised at Patton, who’s tentatively smiling, meeting his eyes with that same softness still in them. 

“They’re soft! It’s like… like petting a bumblebee!” He blushes slightly, ducking his head. “your eyes are pretty, too. Like a cat’s when they’re happy, all dilated and huge.” 

“Pat, stop.” He groans, face nearly beat red, he’s flushing so furiously. 

“Nope. Because you are perfect, kiddo. I love you. And nothing changes that, ok?” Patton asks, as he shifts away his spider traits, except for his extra eyes, which stay in place. “Are those there all the time?” Patton asks, Virgil biting his lip as he nods. 

“yeah. They’re like Jan’s scales. Usually I cover them up with the eyeshadow. It’s dark enough you can’t see them, even open, unless you know what to look for.” He yelps, stumbles, as Patton barrels into him, wrapping him in a giant bear hug, squeezing him so hard he can barely breathe, though it feels oddly nice. 

“you don’t have to hide them. You don’t have to hide, not ever. I promise.” He inhales sharply, then he’s crying, tears streaming down his face, and he can’t stop, the relief is so sweet, the weight lifting off his shoulders and allowing him to breathe easy for the first time, truly, since he’d moved to the light side. The stress of keeping everything hidden away, out of sight, watching what he says, does. It’s all melting away and leaving a lightness in its wake he doesn’t know what to do with, besides cry. 

“You’re r-really n-not scared?” He mumbles. 

“Of course not, Virg. It’s just… you, after all! Now, maybe if I was coming down the stairs at 3am and saw you glowing from the kitchen, that would be a different story.” Virgil laughs wetly again, finally stepping back as the timer dings, Patton’s face lighting up. “Oh, we made muffins! Tabby showed me her recipe, they’re sugared blackberry.” He spares a glance at Tabitha, who’s own face a slight scarlet, grinning. 

“Tabby, huh? Did she tell you those are my favorite? Whenever I was having a real bad day, we’d make those together.” 

“Yes, and the little heathen that you were, always trying to shove three into your face at a time, like some kind of rabid squirrel.” Patton giggles, and he shrugs. 

“Lived with Remus. You gotta expect me to pick up some habits from him.” He answers, slipping into a chair, Tabitha ruffling his hair, before pulling the pan out of the oven, setting it on the windowsill. “And Jan was just trying to keep us from killing each other.” 

“You fought a lot?” Virgil snorts, shaking his head. 

“Nah. Usually it was all in good fun, though our version of fun involved a lot more biting, pincers, stabbing, and far too many limbs, than you guys’ probably does, but there were times where I was having a bad day, and Remus always enjoys poking the bear, to see what happens when it does get angry. Part of the reason I started hiding out here, instead of the dark side. Remus camouflages, part of being an octopus. He could literally be anywhere at any moment waiting to pop out and scare me, or whatever, and some days that just… it was too much.” Patton is silent, mulling over what Virgil had said, biting his lip. 

“I didn’t know that. You never… really talked about it, being over there. I always thought it was because you hadn’t been happy, but… you were, weren’t you?” He sighs, shoving his hand through his hair. 

“It’s… complicated. I was. For a long time, I was, and I loved them, and I know they loved me back, took care of me, but things… changed. Thomas grew. And so did we. And Janus started becoming bitter, about being hidden away in the dark, started wanting more. And Roman stopped playing with Remus, which made him hurt and angry, which made him louder and more violent. And everything seemed… scarier, to me. Everything was scarier. There was all this tension and Janus became colder, absorbed in all the ways he’d get revenge, and Remus was wilder, not in the fun, tussling way we’d had with each other, but actually violently wilder, and I didn’t trust him not to hurt me on purpose, anymore. And I started drawing away from them both, isolating myself, my own anxiety not helping anything, telling me they hated me anyway, so what am I even doing, here?   
Then… then the door showed up, and suddenly I was on the stairs in the living room, with all of you, and it wasn’t… great, my reception, but it wasn’t nearly as scary, as what life had become, so I thought, maybe I can do this. Dee didn’t really give me a choice. He was furious, he was so angry, that after everything, I had shown myself. Really, he was jealous it was me, the door had appeared to, that it was me who hadn’t done anything to deserve it, hadn’t worked for it, hadn’t aimed for it, that got to meet Thomas, after all his years of trying to figure out how to do just that and failing. I left.   
But it wasn’t much of a choice. Janus made it clear I was no longer welcome, and there would be consequences, if I showed back up. Thinking about the good times, the happy parts, just made it hurt, so I shoved those away, and let myself only focus on the bad, only remember the fear and the pain and the hurt, because otherwise… otherwise I think it would have killed me, leaving like that. They were my family.   
And they didn’t want me, and you all didn’t want me, and I just… I just decided, why am I even trying? Why do any of this, why… if no one wants me, fine, I’ll give everyone what they want, because it’s not like I wanted myself around, either. Then you came, anyway. And I said screw it, fuck them, I don’t care about them anymore, I have something better now, people who actually care, and want me, and it made me so angry, even more angry, at Janus and Remus, because I could barely remember ever feeling like that, with them. I hadn’t in so long, it was easier to pretend I never had at all. And now… now I guess we’re back where we started, all together in a group and I just…   
I keep waiting, for it to all fall apart, again. For it all to shatter, and it scares me, Pat, it scares me so badly because I can’t make that choice again, I don’t… I don’t know who I’ll choose.” 

“You won’t. You will never have to go through something like that again, Virg, I promise. No matter what happens, we are not splitting up again, and I was so wrong, to let it happen in the first place. It just hurt all of us. No one is being sent away, never, ever, ever.” He states it firmly enough, conviction shining in his eyes, that Virgil can almost believe him. 

“yeah. Ok, pat.” He looks away, huffing out a breath, blowing at his bangs. “We should probably head back, shouldn’t we?” He’s not exactly looking forwards to it, but he knows the others are bound to be worried. 

“probably. But there’s no harm in staying a little longer, if you need.” He catches Patton’s small smile, Tabitha beaming softly at the both of them, pride radiating off of her, and he looks down at the table, a warmth settling into his chest. 

“ok. Toss me those muffins, ‘Tabby’, I’ve got some stress eating to accomplish.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Virgil comes home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter!

“Maybe I should-“ 

“No. You shouldn’t.” Remus cuts off Roman’s sentence before he even finishes, watching him pace from his spot upside down on the couch, Janus watching with equal amusement, Logan with a hint of concern. 

“But-“ 

“Roman. They will be fine. Tabitha loves him like her own, she would never in a million years allow anything to endanger Virgil, and by extension, Patton, since he is with him.” 

“why did I not know that? That my nemesis has practically adopted Virgil?” 

“Because he never told you. He never told any of us, it is personal information, Roman, why would you have known?” Logan asks, trying to decipher what Roman is upset about. 

“Because we’re supposed to be his friends! His family! And there’s a whole other half of his life that I know absolutely nothing about and it’s fine, if he doesn’t want to tell me about it, but I never even asked! So what kind of friend, does that make me?” He asks, miserably flopping into a chair, rubbing his face. 

“I wouldn’t. If you’d asked, I wouldn’t have told you much of anything, if that helps.” He jolts back upright, at Virgil’s so soft voice, not having heard him and Patton rise up. “It’s… still a little hard, to talk about.” His gaze flickers to Janus and Remus, something a bit sad, a bit pained, a bit angry, there, before flicking away to the floor. 

“Virgil I-“ 

“It’s fine, Jan, really. Not like you meant to, and it… worked out, anyway.” He waves away Janus’s concern, shooting him a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Just glad you’re okay, too. You’d think the embodiment of self preservation would have a little more of it.” 

“He’s got ya there, Jannie.” 

“Oh, hush, no one asked you.” He scowls, playfully swatting Remus’s arm, who retaliates by draping himself across the entire couch, his head in Janus’s lap. 

“Perish the thought of me, speaking out of turn. Surely now I deserve some punishment.” He waggles his eyebrows, licking his lips suggestively, grinning as Janus rolls his eyes and Virgil snorts. 

“How are you doing, Virgil?” Logan asks, and he shrugs, flipping up his hood, missing the concerned exchange of glances that follows the action. Everyone knows that hood up means extra anxious. 

“Better, I guess. Not… as scared, I suppose. But, um, it’s been kind of a long day, so I’m gonna go unwind for a bit. You know where to find me, if you need me.” With that and his little salute, Virgil is gone, sunk out to his room. 

“So, how is he doing, Pat?” Roman asks, looking up at Patton, who’s fiddling with his cat paws. 

“He’s… having a hard time.” He meets Janus’s eyes, who nods minutely, absently running his hand through Remus’s hair, much to his vibrating delight. 

“I’ll speak to him, once he’s had some time. I’m… not surprised.”  
…  
He’s lying in his bed, staring up at the ceiling. One arm is flung behind him, over his head, the other holding a pillow across his chest. He’s not really sad, or upset, just… numb. 

He’s dwelling, he knows he is, but he can’t stop, thinking about his conversation with Patton. He knows, Patton really believes it’ll work this time, everything’ll be fine. But all the same problems are still there, all the same dynamics, just waiting to implode. Everyone’s trying, everyone’s listening more, but still.

Still, he’s always been the one caught in the middle. And now… he has so much more to lose. 

Janus and Remus were his first family, they’re the ones that looked after him, that spent time easing his fears, that he tussled with, fought with, explored with, Janus is the one he turned to after nightmares or during panic attacks, Remus was the one who broke through his bad days and forced him to do something, anything, even if it was fighting him tooth and claw for some time alone. And as angry as he was, at them, as much as they hurt him, he still… missed them.

Things weren’t better, or smoother, at first, with the light sides, either, but Patton was always accepting, always trying to understand, and help, and support him. Logan always talks him down from his fears, walks him through his cognitive distortions, counts out his breathing. Roman and him bicker and fight, but it’s not mean spirited, anymore, it’s more out of habit, for fun, and they’re both careful not to cross any lines, Roman whisking him away to the imagination to relax, when he can tell he’s super stressed, or just sitting quietly with him, humming. 

He rolls over onto his side, hugging the pillow with all his might, face pressed into it. He doesn’t want to lose Janus and Remus again. He doesn’t want to leave Patton, Logan and Roman. He can’t choose, he can’t, it rips him in half, just thinking about it, it tears him apart, and he can’t do it again, he’ll just linger in no man’s land in the mind, wishing for both and belonging to neither, until Thomas’s brain makes the choice for him, but it won’t matter because he’ll be changed, part of him missing, either way. 

He doesn’t move at the soft knock on his door, just curls tighter into his pillow, letting it absorb the silent tears tracking down his face, as he hears the door crack open. 

“Vee? May I come in?” Janus, and he doesn’t reply, knowing that will be all the permission the scaled side needs, proven correct at the sound of soft footsteps across the floor, a soft breath, upon seeing him, the soft resettling of the mattress, as he sits down on the edge. Janus doesn’t say anything more, either, just rests a hand on his leg, to remind him he’s there, and waits. 

“I wish I still hated you. I wish I was still so hurt by what you did, that I could have that rage back, that determination to hurt you just as badly as you’d hurt me, the pure anger shoving me onwards, until I didn’t remember we’d ever had anything else. It would be so much easier, if I could just still hate you, instead of forgive you, because it still hurts, so much of it still hurts, but I get it. I just… I don’t…” 

“Shh, slow down, shadowling. What’s this all about?” He uncurls a bit at that, enough his eyes are peeking out from the pillow, and Janus can see the tear streaks. 

“it’s all going to fall apart. I-it’s going to fall apart and I don’t think I can do it again, Jan, no matter which side I end up on. I can’t get shoved back into the dark, I can’t, not after being here for so long, I won’t be able to handle it, it’ll tear me apart, but if I stay on this side, I’ll be losing you and Ree all over again, and either way I lose, and I’m so sick of losing. I wish it would just happen already, so it could be over, and at least then I’d know how my heart would shatter, instead of anticipating it at every second. At least then I’d be broken for… for a reason, instead of because of some stupid thoughts about stuff that hasn’t even happened yet!” 

“It won’t-“

“Don’t. Don’t lie to me, Jan.”

“Alright. Tell me, why are you so sure, that this is inevitable?” Janus asks softly, rubbing circles against his leg.

“because it always does.” He sighs, shifting to lay down, spooning Virgil from behind. “the peace never lasts. It’s only a matter of time, and it wasn’t on purpose, the first time, so why would it be any different now? Every argument or disagreement or discussion, it’s going to happen and I’m so sick of waiting for it to happen.” 

“It won’t. Look at me, Vee, it won’t. I’m not lying. I will not let it happen again, Thomas won’t let it happen again, we’ve all grown and changed and we all know better, now. We know that only hurt everything, it didn’t fix anything, it just made it all worse. We are never going back to that. I swear it. I know it’s not that easy, to make yourself believe it, but it’s true. Just let yourself remember that, ok? No matter what, it’s true.” He’s only half surprised when Virgil rolls over, curling into his chest, clinging to his shirt and crying. He brings his arms around him, holding him close, running a hand up and down his back. “it’s alright, shadowling. It’s alright.” He murmurs, and for once, Virgil almost finds it in himself to believe it.


End file.
